I’ve been living for years pursuing targets. I always think that’s the reason to stay alive: targets, targets, targets! I once said that I’m not gonna die before I could achieve all my targets & finish all my works! I was a very ambitious and active, ’til I always felt 24 hours a day is not enough!

And now, what can I do?

I’m living for nothing. I still have targets, and still have things I really wanna do before I die – come on, people are greedy, right?? But it’s like I’m just cutting my time little by little! I’ve never felt as useless as this before!

I don’t know which way I should take. I don’t even know what am I doing right now. I don’t even know what should I do. And I don’t know exactly what I want the most… This way, am I still alive? Physically yes. But, am I worth living without a soul?

Everyday, what I feel is always guilt.

Guilty for wasting my precious time futile. Guilty for not producing something. Guilty for not helping my parents. Guilty for everything I did.

Simply, I’m in my lowest quality of life because of this. No targets. That’s the worst.

God, please guide me through this tormenting life!

http://fillaplane.klm.com/id_en/?do=reg&refer=20FD43412D08F56420563B0866CEA3AC

 Just click on the link and join me flying to Europe!

That looks ridiculous, but who knows…?

“What am I doing. actually?”

That occured in my mind once I was having acupuncture treatment. The needles spread on my abs, wrists, head, & legs. Painful, it was, but I tried to encourage my self by keep saying “Hold it, if you wanna be cured”. After a while, that first question bothered me. Yeah, what was I doing?

By taking the risk, I hoped that I’d be cured. But, actually there’s no cure for my ‘abnormality’. I was born with ‘it’, & gonna live with ‘it’. People live, people die, so why should I bother it? I just need to be more patient & hold the pain throughout my body.

So, what was I doing, 3 times a week, thrusting a thousand needles on my skin? What were people doing, anyway…?